If you don't learn much from noticing these ten things the first time, fare it again and again until you think you have a pretty good idea why things go wrong.
Remember, we are talking about THE worst problem in your relationship here. This is the "data gathering" phase. The only thing left after the data gathering is take action.
Here's what I suggest Ask yourself questions like this: Then make a lengthy list of talen of the OTHER things you could do when you act on this impulse besides the things you do that don't work. Some of them may even work wonderfully for both of you!
If your theory is that THEY cause the problem or that somehow it takes BOTH of you to create the problem, it's time for a discussion with your partner. If you are excited about your theory and almost sure that it is true: But be ready for them to disagree.
If it works, great! If it doesn't, talk again and come up with your next plan.
Keep referring back to the ten things I suggested for you to notice. Relationship Quiz Table of Contents. APA ReferenceJuly Retrieved onMay 26 from https: Medically reviewed by Harry Croft, MD.
All Rights Reserved. The Moment of Greatest Stress Is: Do you go ahead with your urge and ask for something caring, do you hold back, Was your urge to be taken care of by them "triggered" by something they did?
What YOU do next. What THEY do next. Where you are.
Are the takdn surroundings "fitting" for this impulse? Do they "trigger" it? How you feel when you act on the impulse or when you don't.
How your action or lack of action effects your partner. How else could you have tried to communicate this message to your partner? Related Articles.
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